|
svblondy5
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: stephanie
Gender: Female
Interests: i like hollering at the boys.... going to the beach!!!... i like God... alot... i love life.... hmm, thats all i guess. OH! and i LOVE to look up at the sun with my eyes closed... mmmmmmm hehe
Expertise: la la la... ;)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  svblondy5
Member Since:
9/17/2004
|
|
| MERRY CHRISTMAS.... you guys that actually check out my site... tell me what you think about this holiday.... is it a time to remember christs birth, or corporate holiday.... kinda really curious to what you guys think..... | | |
| i miss harding!!!!!!!!!! im gonna go visit, soon... spend a butt load on a flight, only to return to something that now just seems like a dream... people forget about you when you leave harding... its like this bubble on a hill, and once you fall down the hill, and once you finally climb your way back up, people look pass you by, they dont even recognize you anymore. sad, really. its only been a year. not even a year really... hrm... but yea, im still gonna go. determination... yessssssssss. haha remember me, ok, guys? | | |
| no, you know what.... i need to vent. badly. i ...... am..... frustrated... .... i mean with myself, my life... who ive become, where im leading, what im doing.... everything. frustrated... i just want to start. it feels like im always just one step away, or just too stubborn to actually just go and do what i want, and what i need. trying to make everybody else happy. my employers, my friends, my family, brandon..... why cant i be selfish like every other person in this country. i want to leave... just get away, realize im not the one with all the problems... why do i get so wrapped up in myself, when everybody else around me is hurting? last night, i remember getting so mad at matt and brandon for not being there when i just needed somebody to talk to, then brandon told me how homesick he was, and how sad hes been lately... and matt is so lonely. a lonely guy just needing friends. and here i am crying about work, and moaning about not having time, about random crap that doesnt even matter. does any of this even matter? NO im gonna forget about it in about 3 weeks, and move on. so why dwell on something that isnt important now? why not just live it up, and have fun with it? just get over it, and enjoy what i do have! duh. but it seems like when i try, i just seem unfulfilled. i went to the beach today. it once was my haven, my rest place. the place i went to just sit, reflect and listen. watch.... be still. but today, i just couldnt. maybe i just dont appreciate things the same anymore... maybe i dont take enough time to jus trealize... to simply be. i need to re-evaluate myself. take some time off and figure out who i am. who i want to be... the person that i want to be for others. thats what i need to do. to fix this empty feeling inside, maybe i need to help other people... talk to other people again, listen to their struggles ,and worries, so that maybe mine wont feel as bad. or wont hurt me anymore. another "rutt". i hate that word. people always say it to me... oh youre just in a rutt... its the most shallow word i can think of. what is it anyways? an excuse for being selfish? a way out? no. its just refusing responsibility.... anyways. my consistant blabber gets me no where. i go to cali in a few weeks for vaca... that should be exciting. never been. change of scene will be awesome. i need friends. i shut off to the world too much. letting people into my life for a long time seemed pointless, and felt like a hassle. but i see friends, true friends hanging out with each other, being there for one another, leaning on each other. and i realize i need that. i cant rely on brandon to be that for me. my whole life close, true friends were non-exsistant. i went to harding to find that... everybody said it was so family oriented... your friends are your family... "you will meet the friends that you will have forever here" kind of place. i did. they were awesome friends. but now im just alone. no one to run to to cry to. nobody to talk to about life. nobody to just be my comfort... my "run to".... i rarely even talk to my old friends. mostly being my fault... but is it really? i dunno. i think too much. i talk to much. i need to vow some silence for a while. see how that helps... if a monk can do it.. i surely can... haha that should be interesting. just listen. im gonna try it at work tonight. that should be sorta fun. anyways... i end with this... if there is even anybody out there wanting enlightenment from stephanie jean... haha life is a mere breath in Gods eyes.... take it at its best... live it, make others happy, and hold on to what if important to you. make life worth living. its just once. and its short. | | |
| ive realized that blog entries are just dumb now... nobody cares... i dont care... i think im done... haha its been real. BYEBYE! peace out jigs mwa | | |
| i leave this monday for my trip with brandon! wooowhoooo! cayo costa, tampa, and sarasota here we come... hehe camping rocks. seriously. YAWN. i came home for a few days, and feel less rested than if i were in st. aug. dont get it.... anyways, everybody have a gggggreat day! holler. | | |
|
